Friday, June 07, 2013

You might be an herbie if...

Back in spring '11, Marnie Plunkett suggested on our email list that it might be fun to try to answer this question.  It was!  And we turned it into an article, which I'm shaking out for some chuckles today.

Remember Jeff Foxworthy's "You might be a redneck if..." standup? Let's play "you might be an herbie if...." I'll go first. You might be an herbie if....

you say "excuse me,'re standing on my dandelion".
you spend a lot of time scraping labels off food jars that will be just perfect for herbs later on. 
Your herb seed budget exceeds the gross national product of some small countries.  You have lost a room or two of your house; the ceiling beams have become drying racks... ...   .

...while showing people your gardens, you unconsciously reach down, grab a leaf and start munching on it. ..

You can name plants that other people call weeds.

Latin has become your second language.

Your neighbors are used to see you early in the morning in your PJ harvesting or taking care of your garden....

You've been reported to the local sheriff for walking along the roads putting what is considered a "noxious weed" in a gallon jar! (St. John's Wort!)  

You might be an herbie if your kid is the one on the playground fixing boo-boos with plantain growing in the grass....

You know your a (city) herbie when..... You visit your relatives in the country but can't concentrate on conversations because you are constantly eyeballing...

My, this one hit home! For us though there is a little different twist. We live in the country, but often we'll be riding down the road and I'll scream thingslike, "JEWELWEED! Stop! Back-up"! Now to an outsider this might seem weird, but at our house in invariably means that one of us will ask the other, "do you think anyone would mind?"

" You MIGHT be an herbie if.......your neighbors show your wee ones their flowers and they ask 'can you EAT IT???

You might be an herbie if you spend hours picking chamomile by hand even thoughit would cost you just pennies because you know your's has been treated thebest!

You name your kids after herbs

if there is no way you can pass a rosemary plant without touching it! empty your daughter's playhouse and set up a table in the corner because the windows are perfect for infusing oils! think Scented Geraniums make great room deordorizers

Or you might be an herbie if you you go out of your way to walk past the nursery just to see what new plants they have out.

 ... your family has been disappointed many times after finding you working in the kitchen over non-food creations. have a blender, a coffee grinder, an immersion blender, and a crockpot - all of which you wouldn't dream of using to cook with.

...your child has to plan sleepovers for those days when there are NOT herbs spread on sheets on the guestroom floor.

....people hate to have you in the car with them because you shriek so often at the sight of herbs in the wild.

...your daughter brings home a date while you're cleaning a pile of dried herbs, and he gives you the hairy eyeball...

... friends and family realized I was an herbie when they saw me buying gallons and gallons of cheap vodka (for tinctures), none of which I was going to drink. (they also wanted to stage an intervention...but that's another story~)
your wine cellar is full of shelves with containers of dried herbs, tincture and seeds. 

or you might...just might be an herbie if your wine store knows you by name and tells you when he sees you on the street, "we've gotten another shipment of that crystal palace vodka in today."

If there is no room in your refrigerator because it is stuffed with remedies, infusions and half finished Lavender Wands....

When you are the only one without the chemically treated manicured lawn in the neighborhood.


When you tell your neighbor to stop treating their lawn so that you can make more dandelion jelly.

If you're considering getting rid of the dining room furniture to make more room for your "stuff"! Good bye pretty dishes and glasses Hello HERBS!!

your kids think everyone chews on licorice roots when they come down with a sore throat.

You grow your own weed! LOL

you get 'spices' from your office cupboard.....

you tell your husband not to mow yet because you want to make soup. carry fennel seeds in your purse instead of rolaids.

you overseeded your "lawn" with dandelions....

You own more mason jars than the mason jar company :)

"You got any herb, man?" is greeted with "Yes, I do! I've got French tarragon, English tyme, evening primrose, rosemary, scented geraniums, golden oregano, painted sage, cuban oregano, feverfew, marshmallow, horehound, peppermint, curled spearmint, flat parsley...

When the "uninformed" starts to complain about their mint growing all over the place you tell them that there is a mint for mojitos!

You know and have a cooking or medicinal use for every "weed" in your yard.

you are out there digging under the snow to see if anything is growing yet.

you never take a sick day from work..because you're never sick!

you're known to go off the road often, looking at road side moreso than road!


you carry a shovel in your trunk.

when you are walking and you tell others these flowers are good to eat, or say or I wonder what that green plant over there is and what I can use it for.

You might be an herby if you're scared to death the neighbors will see you distilling herbs through your kitchen window & turn you in for making meth or moonshining!!

you routinely refer to things by their latin names/species names... ie what a nice patch of anthemis!!!

Being a herbie adds a certain spice to life, wouldn't you say?  We're having a bit of a gray, dreary day today, so a little smile came over me when reading these again.  Hope you enjoyed them!


Vicki said...

Haha! I love this list. I can say I relate to many of them.

For me, I would add...
- advance towards stinging nettle instead of away from it. In awe of it's amazingly medicinal built in hypodermics.

I have even applied the raw leaf to an arthritic finger to draw out the pain. It works.

Robin said...

Wait, you're saying not everyone does this?

Ella said...

LOL, how I can relate to this...
I would add:
when after an entertaining movie you not only can tell the plot, but also remember what herbs grew on the roadside in several filmshots...

Rhonda Register said...

You might be an herbie.......when you draw a skull and crossbones on labeled containers in your fridge so no one eats or drinks your facial cleansers!


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